Returning

I am back in Minnesota, the land of my birth and my first 18 years. Since it has been my family center since my beginning, family life cycle events call me back. This time was for a joint Bat Mitzvah, that of my second cousins, Addie and Raye Gleekel, daughters of my first cousins Peter and Karen Gleekel and Tony and Beth Gleekel.

I'm staying with my brother Jim and his family...feels very different from the two people + two beagles + Reiki Center at home. I see highways that now have been completed that were just starting up eight months ago when I last traveled here. I see parents and uncles changing with the passing of the time, getting slower and more frail, memories getting weaker, systems breaking down. I see the lines on my brother's face, new gray hair, signs of how hard he is working on keeping it all together.

My family loves through bickering, teasing, criticizing, and occasionally laughing. One of these began with Dad and his brother at lunch with my Dad teasing my Uncle about his long hair (brother only recently out of after a month in the hospital). I said to my Dad, "Dad, he's your brother, just give him a hug!" and for perhaps the first time that I have every seen, they did.

I see myself in these people. They are my tribe, my clan, my mishpacha. No matter where I go, I take them with me, but they are here to remind me that I carry them in my DNA and by loving them, I love myself. The reverse is also true.

Dear God, please allow me the grace to continue to love them as I love myself. Please keep my heart open even with they or I disappoint, allow me to find the joy here, instead of the sadness of changes I wish were not happening. And there is joy...

Two girls (now young women or bachurot in Hebrew) who gave amazing talks, shared themselves and their families with us, and led the service by chanting the Torah and Haftorah beautifully. I felt the synagogue opening to change and connection with its congregation, very different from how it connected when I was last there. Another party is coming this evening (or food event, as I like to call it) with dancing, fun, etc. It's good to be in happiness here with the tribe...they do joy well.

I have done my life differently from this group, but still they are a part of me, they lead me to bring joy to my reiki classes and clients, to treat them with respect, to try to do some things differently, but to keep the sense of deep connection I feel with these people. So strong that when cousins were invited up at the end for the final blessing, I jumped up, considering the relationship close and found myself the only one of my generation on the bima.

It all seems like no time has passed since my own Bar Mitzvah or my nieces' or nephew's. Maybe that's the reason to keep doing these events: to keep reminding us of the continuation, the new generation, but our own heartlinks to them as well.

September 2010: A chance to look at the last year

In the past month, I have had the opportunity to look at some major life issues:

• My parents are selling their house.
• The relationship with my brother needs nurturing.
• My healing practice has been quieter than normal.
• My house needs fixing.
• My plans to move to the West have slowed to a halt.

I keep wondering why spirit has asked/shown me whether I need to be here now, in the D.C. area for a longer time, to meet new students, to continue with my clients, to have some time to connect to God once again in the power of the silence.

Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur have come and gone and I see that the year past showed me that some things I thought had long been taken care of need care instead. I feel like I have lost my parental center and that my guides won't recommend a course of action to me but ask me to choose one and ask their help instead.

In the coming year, I want to find myself moving forward gently, but not with hesitation; getting some of my outstanding "loose ends" cleaned up; living from my heart, not my head. Take a day at a time, I guess.

I taught a Sekhem-Seichim-Reiki I-II class in Phoenix and finished up a Sekhem-Seichim-Reiki Master/Teacher class with Mike Hilwig, one of my students who has moved to Arizona to follow his healing path. Before the classes began, I drove up to Sedona to take a hike to Bell Rock, one of the most powerful vortexes in the area. This one seems to awaken me to a new direction, to get me unstuck, and to clear my energy. Results: clear sinuses, renewed energy, good classes.

Back to Arizona for Sekhem-Seichim-Reiki

I am heading back to Arizona, this time to Phoenix, to followup on my earlier Master class in June for one of my students, Mike, who wasn't able to complete the full scheduled class then. Mike is assisting me at a Sekhem-Seichim-Reiki I-II class to follow his makeup session this weekend at his and his fiancee Andrea's house in Phoenix.

Arizona is like a breath of fresh air to me, the energy seems to lift me up, the sun cleans out all the East Coast mildew and my lungs seem to be twice the size they are here in Maryland. I definitely feel like it has become a second "retreat home" for me over the years, especially Sedona.

I am planning on driving up to Sedona tomorrow (I get in at 1:30pm and have some time to play). The mountains up there seem to be calling me to come back, take a hike, get some sun, and let some of the sadness of the past year go. Why the sadness? Well, let's just say that plans are like caterpillars, some of them become butterflies and some of them are just dead pupae. I have had a few dead pupae this year and need to focus on the butterflies that have flown, rather than those that haven't developed.

How to stay in a place of light? For me, sometimes the answer is to go within in meditation or healing or speaking with an inspirational friend or Master and sometimes...you just have to get out of town and go to a happy place. That, for me, is Sedona.

I call out to the guides and to God to be there with me and help me find my center once again, to spread my wings and be in a place of love, truth and light. Let me walk the path of Gratefulness once again....

I remember once again the Gokai or Reiki Principles:
Just for Today-
I release all anger.
I release all worry.
I am grateful.
I work hard.
I am kind to all.

The Journey Continues...Clothing as a Theme for Life

I can't believe how many pieces of clothing two people can acquire in 46 years in a house! Shirt after shirt after sweatshirt after Hawaiian shirt after cowboy boots after stetson hat after coat after coat after coat after tie after belt after shoes after underwear, etc. The focus on what is there is that it seems nothing is there, so more clothing is purchased. It's all so overwhelming.

My sister Jan and I worked hard with Dad today clearing out LOTS of clothing. He from a position of keeping the kids from getting rid of HIS stuff and us from the point of view of minimizes 1970's fashion don'ts from moving with him to his new digs. I think it was basically a draw, but we have about six more bags for giveaway.

This evening, Mom saw the new apartment for the first time and cried a bit. She sees this experience as ending, rather than a beginning or, possibly, the beginning of the end. It was bittersweet to see her Tobie Mug collection put out in her new, smaller kitchen. One door closes and another opens.

Another dinner, this time to the Granite City, where I dined on the fish of Minnesota (caught in Canada) walleyed pike. Delicious! These dinners at the end of the day allow all of us to connect and be civilized after a day of intensity.

I'm feeling like I'm ready to let go of some of my own stuff, emotional and physical, to get ready to move forward in my own life after this experience. A totally unexpected result from this visit, I would say.

Today, I was able to let go of anger when talking with my brother, telling him that I was giving him a status report, not asking for directions, when being directed by him to do a list of things not already on my list. We're all scared and feeling a bit rudderless lately. I'm getting used to the new parents, trying to work with their limitations while still feeling the love for them as people, spirits, and beings in transition.

Thanks for listening...