Monday, January 07, 2013

Changes and Openings

2012 was quite a year for me. My father, Alvin Gleekel, passed away on  July 2, followed by an intense period of grief that has lasted until now.

Starting last year, my grandmother (my Dad's Mom) started visiting me in dreamstate. I had not had a chance to connect with her since she died over 15 years ago. She first revealed herself to me on a park bench (in my dream). She said that my Dad had begun visiting her in her kitchen and she wanted me to know. I think this was her way of telling me he was getting ready to pass. In May 2012, she came again, telling me that if I wanted to see my Dad as I knew him, I needed to visit him. I did so over Father's Day weekend and was able to sit with him for several hours one-on-one and share Reiki and conversation. He had stopped eating and was beginning to be in terrible discomfort from the swelling his weakened heart was causing. I felt it would not be long for him and this time with him felt sacred to me.

Two weeks later, I received a call from my brother saying that he wasn't sure how long Dad would be around. He thought it would probably be a few weeks, but he wasn't sure. I had planned on traveling to teach a class in Colorado, so was trying to find out intuitively what to do. My intuition said very clearly as I meditated: "Get in the car and go!"

Steve and I left the next morning after a huge Derecho storm had hit Maryland, leaving us without power and many of our tree branches. We drove two days to Minnesota, arriving at 7:30pm. My Dad died with us there (along with my brother and nephew) at 4 the next morning. We cried, prayed, and put on Frank Sinatra music as people began to arrive back at the room. The nurses at Methodist Hospital were wonderful, but all I could feel was gratefulness for the experience of my Dad. Even though he had never been an easy person to talk to for me, he had clearly done his life his way and was teaching me to do the same.

The funeral and shiva followed over the next two days with the final shiva service at my sister's house on July 4th amid fireworks. Quite a symbol for the freedom my Dad probably felt as he left his worn-out shell. The next few months, I tried to do my life: seeing clients, teaching, keeping it together. But I truly felt something in my life was broken. My energy remained low, even though I was soaking in it all the time. I needed Yin energy and a well-deserved vacation.

In October, my partner Steve and I traveled to Massanutten Resort for a well-deserved break. On Day 1, Steve threw his back out loading dishes and on 6th Day, I broke my leg hiking.

Since then, it has been a journey of rest, receiving healing distantly and hands-on from a myriad of my community, physical therapy and doctor visits, splints, walking boots, and braces. And now I see that it really isn't about what has physically happened -- it's about its effect on my life and understanding...also on my energy.

Now I feel the opening of the new era as the 12/12 and 12/21 dates have passed. I'm looking foward to an opening to spirit that opens my heart with love, rather than sadness.  Stay tuned...